Life is crazy. Time flies. If you blink, you'll miss something. Real eyes realize real lies. There's a million more cliches I can use right now, but I think you get the point. Becoming a real adult with responsibilities and relationships and knowing that every decision you make will effect your future and your children's future is all very stressful and physically and emotionally draining. But as I go through this journey, I've learned a lot about myself, the people around me, and how it is all going to be OK.
My wife and I decided to do cloth diapers instead of disposable, and honestly I'm so glad we did. Not only because it is good for the environment, but to me it's just easier. My wife always says that I only like them because they are more absorbent so I can change his diapers less often, thats not true but I let her believe what she wants to believe. This choice that my wife and I made was one we had to make together, because having to wash them and put them back together every time they're clean is a process. Another duty added to the life of parenting, but like in life, most of the things we've done as parents aren't always the easiest but it's needed to create the best life we can for our son.
As I sit folding these diapers, about an hour passes by and my phone is "dry" as they say. Now if I was younger than 22 this would probably bother me, but now I don't even realize because I'm too busy taking care of the things I gotta take care of. I've gained and lost a lot of friends over the years, and have even lost touch with some family. When we're in the moment of a friendship, we like to believe that this person is going to be there for life, but most of us know that as time goes on it really just doesn't work that way. Whether it's because of a falling out, a rift, or just two people growing apart, the ending of these relationships is always mutual regardless of how you look at it. We are ultimately responsible for maintaining these relationships, and even if it was something out of your control, we typically choose to move on with our lives and put other people or things ahead of those relationships.
As I look back on these relationships I've had, I can now clearly see how as time went on those relationships came to a pause or even an end. And in every instance, I can look at things that bothered me with that person as well as what I could have done to make the situation better. But as I look back on the decisions I've made, I can see why I did them and I'm OK with it. Mostly, because I have to be. Those are the choices I've made and I can't go back. We all have something more important than these relationships, and for me it is the future I'm working towards with my wife and my son. For other people it may be a job, an addiction, another relationship, or other issues that hold them back from making it work.
As you're reading this, I'm sure you're thinking about one particular relationship that you wish could have worked out but ultimately didn't. What happens a lot of the time is people feel that they need this person in their life and they do everything they can to keep them there, and if they are that important to you then I encourage you to do whatever you can to keep them. But sometimes, these things just don't work out how we planned. And I promise you, you can live without that relationship. You will find people who accept you in all of your flaws, and you will find people who can't stand your flaws. And that is OK! There has never been a perfect human being to walk this earth, each individual brings different things to the table in relationships.
I haven't been the greatest friend to everyone over the years, and I am OK with saying that. I know all of my flaws. But we are who we are, and sometimes our choices to better ourselves ends up leaving other things or relationships behind. We have to continue to move forward, and find people who accept us with our mistakes. We must make time for those who are the most important to us, and your friends and family who stick around are the ones you'll need the most. It is OK to be wrong, it is OK to fuck up, it is OK to move on with life. Keep pushing towards whatever it is that makes you happy, and the right people will find their way to you.
Not many I trust... Ima go my own way...
Just a man trying to make the most of his time on this planet.